The KellyGram

Wisdom and Wit About the Wonderful and Often Wacky World of Words

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This language of ours certainly isnt easy! Its so full of twists and turns that it can easily lead to a severe case of logophobia. For example, consider the following statements, each of which uses two words which are spelled the same but have different pronunciations and meanings:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert in the desert.

7) He thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections, my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Another source of confusion can be homonyms, words which sound the same but have different meanings. Their misuse can lead to glaring errors. Consider the following examples we came across in one professional magazine: We may have become complaisant (should be "complacent") about it; It includes a well-educated populous (should be "populace") all over the globe; Management styles are beginning to waiver (should be "waver").

Then we have to deal with the problem of antilogies, defined as "contradictions in terms or ideas." These include words which have two opposite meanings. For example:

Buckle: fasten together; fall apart

Critical: opposed; an essential support

Downhill: getting easier; getting worse

Knockout: collapse; triumph

Overlook: watch over; ignore

Quite: slightly; exceedingly

Ravel: tangle; untangle

Temper: harden; soften

Trim: reduce; embellish

Logophobia, by the way, is defined as "an excessive fear of words." If youre suffering from that malady, we may have the exact remedy you need. Give us a call; theres never a charge for the initial consultation.

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WRITING TIPS

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Weve shared many of these tips in earlier issues of The KellyGram but, based on so much of the written material we see, they bear repeating.

• Be genuine in your writing. Converting the spoken word to written form is no reason to change your style. Write the same way you speak. Use contractions. We say: "Its the way weve always done things," but we write: "It is the way we have always done things." That sounds awkward and artificial. Avoid it!

• Accuracy is more important in writing than in speaking. We hear the spoken word only for an instant, but the written word is "permanently" recorded for all to see.

• Sending a reprint of an article youve written to a prospect or meeting planner can backfire if its full of errors.

• Less is more. Cut! Cut! Cut! Ive rarely seen a piece of writing I couldnt cut by at least 10 to 20 percent, without losing any of the message.

• The close quote (") ALWAYS goes after the period, comma and exclamation point.

• Avoid using a sans serif typeface or lengthy italics in the body of your manuscript. Theyre harder to read.

• Use short words, short sentences, short paragraphs; it makes for very readable copy.

• Its okay to use a spellcheck program, but dont rely on it. For example, every word in "Yule bee please too no" is incorrect in this context, but they're all real words a spellchecker would miss. And grammar programs are more often wrong than right.

• Proofread your work carefully, and have at least one other person do the same. Poor grammar, typographical errors, misspellings, etc. create a very bad impression.

Heres the best advice about writing Ive ever received: Read your copy aloud. Better still, with your eyes closed or back turned, have someone else read it aloud to you. You'll find something that can be changed and improved, almost every time.

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A WEBSITE WORTH CHECKING

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We recently stumbled across a website which can be a valuable resource for writers: http://www.literarylawguide.com. Among its many features is a blog written by an intellectual property attorney. It includes excellent articles on such important topics for writers as: contract negotiations; plagiarism vs. infringement; how to register a copyright; the Poor Mans Copyright Myth, etc.

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PLANNING A BOOK? WE CAN HELP!

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Are you ready to finally finish writing that book youve been thinking about for so long? Why not? Lots and lots of others are doing so. But the numbers are awfully intimidating. According to R.R. Bowker, LLC, 172,000 books were published in 2005. And, a book by a typical author averages a mere 11,800 copies sold.

To be successful in a very crowded marketplace, and to beat that average, there are two essentials. First, it has to be very well-written and highly readable, and, second, you must be prepared to spend a considerable amount of time, energy and money to market it. It doesnt matter if you self-publish or use a traditional publisher, sales of your book will depend on Y-O-U.

I dont do book marketing, but can direct you to some folks wholl work with you. However, I can certainly help you, as I have many other authors, put together a book youll be proud to put your name on. Whether you need it ghostwritten, edited, proofread, or some combination thereof, Ill be happy to consult with you about it.

For 27 years, Ive been doing just that for dozens of satisfied clients. I guarantee my work, and never charge a fee for an initial review or consultation. Call me at (480) 895-7617, or email me at bob@kellygram.com, and let me show you how you can look good on paper.

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SMILE AWHILE

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The following comments are taken from actual book reviews. Our goal at WordCrafters, Inc. is to help you avoid such a fate.

The covers of this book are too far apart. (Ambrose Bierce)

I liked the dedication, but after that I thought it fell off a bit. (F. Scott Fitzgerald)

Your manuscript is both good and original; but the parts that are good are not original, and the parts that are original are not good. (Samuel Johnson)

This is not a novel to be tossed lightly aside. It should be thrown with great force. (Dorothy Parker)

He is a writer for the agesthe ages of four to eight. (Dorothy Parker)

Spend your hard-earned cash on this [book] if: you need to start a fire and are in desperate need of something combustible. (Tad Simons)

Editor to writer: "I think you should trade your word processor in for a trash compactor." (Anonymous)

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ODDS AND ENDS

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Back Issues:

All previous issues of The KellyGram, dating back to January 2003, are available on our website: http://www.wordcrafters.info/back_issues.html.

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Comments/Questions:

Your comments and questions are always welcome. Please contact us at bob@kellygram.com, or call Bob Kelly at (480) 895-7617.

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A FINAL WORD

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"It always seems to me that Christmas is a time of magic. Each December we celebrate a Prince, the Prince of Peace, born in utter poverty. And the fact of his birth makes hearts turn warmest at the coldest time of the year...One of the great messages of this season is that its never too late to touch a life and maybe change the world forever for someone."

(Ronald Reagan)

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© 2006 by Bob Kelly. All rights reserved.