The KellyGram

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THE STRAIGHT SCOOP

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Today, most people probably relate the word scoop to ice cream or sherbet. Given the fact that Americans consume more than one billion gallons of ice cream and other frozen delicacies a year, thats understandable. However, the scoop were referring to is a media term thats been around for more than a century. Over the years, it has come to mean the truth, the real story, the facts or, in the vernacular, "the straight dope," "the real skinny," "the lowdown," "the inside scoop," etc.

In media terms, a scoop is an exclusive, often sensational story, news item or report one media outlet uncovers and reveals before any of its competitors. Journalism is a fiercely competitive profession, and a scoop is a much sought after and highly valued prize, giving one newspaper, magazine, radio or TV station a distinct marketing advantage, as well as bragging rights which last only until someone else uncovers a new scoop.

Undoubtedly, what led CBS to broadcast that infamous and unconfirmed report about President Bush was exactly that competitive pressure to scoop the other networks. Instead, the documents on which the supposed scoop was based quickly proved to be forgeries, and the ensuing uproar certainly hastened the departure of Dan Rather.

In early American newspaper days, a reporter who consistently got to a story first often earned the nickname, "Scoop." Its a peculiar term, one that reportedly originated from card playing. In the pre-electronic era, reporters were known to congregate around courthouses, hospitals, police stations, and other places considered the most likely sites for breaking news stories. With time on their hands, some were known to engage in such pastimes as playing poker.

According to Why Do We Say It?, published by Book Sales, Inc., "the use of this term by newspapermen comes from poker. If theres a big pot and you are the winner, you scoop up the chips. From this we get the meaning of winning over others in large measure which is what a paper does when it gets a scoop."

So there you have it the straight scoop!

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CELEBRATING BAD WRITING

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He was a British author who could have had no idea of the dubious fame that would one day overtake him. His name was Edward George Bulwer-Lytton and, among his works was a novel titled Paul Clifford, published in 1830. The rambling opening sentence of the book is 58 words long, beginning with "It was a dark and stormy night," later made famous by Snoopy, that wonderful little dog in the comic strip "Peanuts."

However, it was a San Jose State University professor named Scott Rice who would forever link Bulwer-Lyttons name with bad writing. In 1982, Rice launched a competition to identify and celebrate bad writing. Called the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, it promotes bad really bad writing, as contestants are asked to compose the worst possible opening sentence to a novel.

I first learned of the contest in 1983, when it was featured in a front-page article in the Wall Street Journal, written by Erik Larson. In it, Larson quotes Rices explanation of the contests goal: "We didnt really want bad bad writing. Bad bad writing nobody wants to see. What we were really looking for was good bad."

Over the years, the contest has remained enormously popular, and the winning entries are outrageously bad, laugh-out-loud hilarious, clearly demonstrating just how much creativity it takes to write really good bad material. In our Smile Awhile feature below, youll find a couple of winning entries from previous years contests.

To learn more about the contest, and to read many of the entries, log on to www.bulwer-lytton.com, where youll find that the www stands for "Wretched Writers Welcome." Rice has also published several compilations of contest entries.

For years, Ive wanted to submit some entries of my own, but never seem to get to it. However, my oldest daughter, Mary, has submitted several entries and, this year, Im proud to report that her entry earned her a Miscellaneous Dishonorable Mention! Im happy that we have at least one good bad writer in the family. Way to go, Mary! Keep up the good bad work.

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PLANNING A BOOK? WE CAN HELP!

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Is 2006 the year youre finally going to finish writing that book youve been thinking about for so long? Why not? Lots and lots of others are doing so. But the numbers are awfully intimidating. According to R.R. Bowker, LLC, there were 195,000 books published in 2004, an all-time high, and an increase of 72 percent since 1995. And, a book by a typical author averages a mere 11,800 copies sold.

To be successful in a very crowded marketplace, and to beat that average, there are two essentials. First, it has to be very well-written and highly readable, and, second, you must be prepared to spend a considerable amount of time, energy and money to market it. It doesnt matter if you self-publish or use a traditional publisher, sales of your book will depend on Y-O-U.

I dont do book marketing, but can direct you to some folks wholl work with you. However, I can certainly help you, as I have many other authors, put together a book youll be proud to put your name on. Whether you need it ghostwritten, edited, proofread, or some combination thereof, Ill be happy to consult with you about it.

Im beginning my 27^th year of doing just that for dozens of satisfied clients. I guarantee my work, and never charge a fee for an initial review or consultation. Call me at (480) 895-7617, or email me at bob@kellygram.com, and let me show you how you can look good on paper.

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SMILE AWHILE

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The following are Grand Prize winners in the annual Bulwer-Lytton Bad Writing Contest:

The camel died quite suddenly on the second day, and Selena fretted sulkily and, buffing her already impeccable nailsnot for the first time since the journey beganpondered snidely if this would dissolve into a vignette of minor inconveniences like all the other holidays spent with Basil.

Gail Cain, San Francisco, California (1983 Winner)

Paul Revere had just discovered that someone in Boston was a spy for the British, and when he saw the young woman believed to be the spy's girlfriend in an Italian restaurant he said to the waiter, "Hold the spumoni Im going to follow the chick an catch a Tory."

John L. Ashman, Houston, Texas (1995 Winner)

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ODDS AND ENDS

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Back Issues:

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Comments/Questions:

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A FINAL WORD

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Words are only air converted into sound, but their meaning and the intent of the heart that caused them to be uttered is impossible to erase, as it is to recapture an extinguished flame.
(Virgil Reed)

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© 2006 by Bob Kelly. All rights reserved.