The KellyGram

Wisdom and Wit About the Wonderful and Often Wacky World of Words

Published by Bob Kelly

Resident Wordsmith and Quotemeister

WordCrafters, Inc.

www.wordcrafters.info

Providing the Right Word for Speakers, Writers, Ministry Leaders and Business Executives – since 1979!

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Volume 4 – Number 5 May 2006

In This Issue:

The Quote Corner (Time)
Scrabble? Or Babble?
Cooker Wins Blooker!
Planning a Book?
Smile Awhile
Odds and Ends
A Final Word

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THE QUOTE CORNER (Time)

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Time: its a versatile thing. It flies; it marches on, it waits for no one, it goes by, and it will tell. We mark time; we keep time; we bide our time; we pass the time; we waste time or do things in the nick of time, or just in time; we run out of time; we call time out and take time off; we have time on our hands, and we kill time.

Now, it seems, someone has created a device that makes time run off and hide, forcing us to chase after it. According to the March 31, 2006 entry in a devotional booklet titled Our Daily Bread, a graduate student at Massachusetts Institute of Technology has designed a foam-covered alarm clock on wheels. When the alarm sounds, the clock runs off and hides before you have a chance to shut it off.

A circuit board in the clock operates small motors which move randomly, so the clock never ends up in the same place, forcing you to get up and find it, so you can shut it off. That sounds to me like the kind of time that deserves killing.

Time, were told, heals all wounds, although the late Jane Ace, who with her husband Goodman Ace, formed the popular comedy team, The Easy Aces, gave it a different twist when she noted that "time wounds all heels."

Having said all that, its time to present this months selection of quotes. I know its about time!

Time isnt a commodity, something you pass around like cake. Time is the substance of life. When anyone asks you to give your time, theyre really asking for a chunk of your life. (Antoinette Bosco)

Be wise in the use of time. The question of life is not, "How much time have we?" The question is, "What shall we do with it?" (Anna Robertson Brown)

Much may be done in those little shreds and patches of time which every day produces and which most men throw away. (Charles Caleb Colton)

Time is childhoods leaden wings, it is ages rushing, soundless river. (Walter de la Mare)

Unless youre serving time, theres never enough of it. (Malcolm S. Forbes)

Time is a circus, always packing up and moving away. (Ben Hecht)

Lost time is like a run in a stocking. It always gets worse. (Anne Morrow Lindbergh)

What is time? The shadow on the dial, the striking of the clock, the running of the sand, day and night, summer and winter, months, years, centuries these are but arbitrary and outward signs, the measure of Time, not Time itself. Time is the Life of the soul. (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)

The man who wastes today lamenting yesterday will waste tomorrow lamenting today. (Philip M. Raskin)

The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time. (Bertrand Russell)

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. (Carl Sandburg)

Time is the deposit each one has in the bank of God, and no one knows the balance. (Ralph W. Sockman)

Time: That which man is always trying to kill, but which ends in killing him. (Herbert Spenser)

Time is but a stream I go a-fishing in. I drink at it. But while I drink, I see the sandy bottom and detect how shallow it is. Its thin current slips by, and eternity remains. (Henry David Thoreau)

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity. (Henry Van Dyke)

(Note: These quotations are taken from our collection of nearly 400 published volumes of quotations and 1.5 million entries. If youre looking for some quotes on virtually any subject, send us an email at bob@kellygram.com, or call us at 480-895-7617. Or, if you have a quote topic youd like us to feature in an upcoming issue, email it to us and well get it on the schedule.)

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SCRABBLE? OR BABBLE?

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While Ive been a lifelong word lover and an incurable game player, Im somehow managed to avoid the popular word game called Scrabble. Ive watched it played perhaps two or three times in my life, so Im sure of two things: Im not qualified to talk about it; and I expect Ill offend some Scrabble enthusiasts by what follows.

My main objection to the game is that it strikes me as contrived. Players manage to come up with words few of us have ever heard of, much less used in casual or even formal communication.

What brought this to mind was the recent announcement that the 4^th edition of the Official Scrabble Players Dictionary has been released. According to the promotional material I read, it includes "over 100,000 two- to eight-letter words, including 4,000 new entries."

Now I dont know how long its been since the 3^rd edition was published, but 4,000 new words seemed rather a lot. Most of the newly approved words have five letters or more, and another 100+ have four letters, but there are 41 new three-letter words (e.g. - def and duh) and five new two-letter words: fe, ki, oi, qi and za.

Say what? Just because the letters Q and Z earn players the most points, words like qi and za strike me as well contrived. The former is a variant of che (Im glad we cleared that up), while za is a slang term for pizza.

My Merriam-Websters Collegiate Dictionary (11^th Edition, 2003) wasnt of much help with those "words," but as long as Id opened it, I decided to check out the definition of the word "babble." Heres one: "to utter meaningless or unintelligible sounds." Im sorry, Scrabble fans, if Ive offended, but you might want to be careful about sprinkling your conversation with such words as fe, ki, oi, qi and za, lest your audience gets the impression youre babbling.

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COOKER WINS BLOOKER!

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In last months issue, we reported on a new literary form called a "blook" (a combination of the words "blog" and "book"), which is a book based on a blog or website. In it, we reported that the finalists for the newly established Blooker Prize had been chosen, but the name of the winner had not yet been released.

In a separate article, we recommended a new book by British author and prominent wordsmith Michael Quinion. Titled Ballyhoo, Buckaroo, and Spuds, its a fascinating book that describes how and where some of our rather odd sayings originated.

Serendipitously, when Michaels Wide World of Words April 7 ezine landed in my inbox a few days later, I was pleased to learn the name of this years Blooker Prize winner. He reports: "The winner was Julie Powell, who spent a year cooking all 524 recipes from Julia Childs Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Among unsuccessful entrants was Belle De Jour: The Intimate Adventures of a London Call-Girl. The PR Newswire summed that up with the headline Cooker Beats Hooker to win Blooker."

I wish Id said that!

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PLANNING A BOOK? IT HAD BETTER BE GOOD!

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Is 2006 the year youre finally going to finish writing that book youve been thinking about for so long? Why not? Lots and lots of others are doing so. But the numbers are awfully intimidating. According to R.R. Bowker, LLC, there were 195,000 books published in 2004, an all-time high, and an increase of 72 percent since 1995. And, a book by a typical author averages a mere 11,800 copies sold.

To be successful in a very crowded marketplace, and to beat that average, there are two essentials. First, it has to be very well-written and highly readable, and, second, you must be prepared to spend a considerable amount of time, energy and money to market it. It doesnt matter if you self-publish or use a traditional publisher, sales of your book will depend on Y-O-U.

I dont do book marketing, but can direct you to some folks wholl work with you. However, I can certainly help you, as I have many other authors, put together a book youll be proud to put your name on. Whether you need it ghostwritten, edited, proofread, or some combination thereof, Ill be happy to consult with you about it.

Im beginning my 27^th year of doing just that for dozens of satisfied clients. I guarantee my work, and never charge a fee for an initial review or consultation. Call me at (480) 895-7617, or email me at bob@kellygram.com, and let me show you how you can look good on paper.

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SMILE AWHILE

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Swifties Revisited

In our February 2006 issue, inspired by our friend and colleague Barbara McNichol, we told you about an old party game called "Swifties," in which adverbs were used to create some funny (and some dreadful) plays on words. The name of the game, which was more accurately called "Tom Swifties," came from a series of adventure novels aimed at young boys, whose hero was Tom Swift. An example: "She pulled the wool over my eyes," Tom said sheepishly.

To give you some idea of just how long ago this was, the author, Edward Stratemeyer, who was known to scatter adverbs freely throughout his stories, died in 1930. Tom Swift may have perished with him, but the Swifties live on. I came across them again just recently, as I was scanning one of my favorite books, The Game of Words, by William R. Espy.

Here are a few of his offerings:

"No, Eve, I wont touch that apple," said Tom adamantly.
"Ill see if I can dig it up for you," said Tom gravely.
"Have a ride in my new ambulance," said Tom hospitably.
"I passed my electrocardiogram," said Tom wholeheartedly.

If youd like to try your hand at some Swifties, send them along, and we may just publish them. Well even give you credit for them, unless youd rather we didnt.

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ODDS AND ENDS

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A FINAL WORD

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"You may be one of those persons whom words frighten. If so, never let them know it. The instant you shrink back, they will rush at you and take a piece out of your trouser leg.But if they respect you, they will like you, and if they like you, there is nothing in their power they will not do for you."

William R. Espy (The Game of Words)

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