The KellyGram

Wisdom and Wit About the Wonderful and Often Wacky World of Words

Published by Bob Kelly

Resident Wordsmith and Quotemeister

WordCrafters, Inc.

www.wordcrafters.info

Providing the Right Word for Speakers, Writers, Ministry Leaders and Business Executives – since 1979!

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Volume 3 – Number 12 December 2005

In This Issue:

The Quote Corner (Tremendous)
Viva la Repartee
PC "Holiday" Greetings
Planning a Book?
Smile Awhile
Odds and Ends
A Final Word

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THE QUOTE CORNER (Tremendous)

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One of the "living legends" of the speaking profession was in town last month and, in the course of about 24 hours, spoke to three different audiences, while somehow finding time to record five radio broadcasts. His name is Charles E. Jones, better known as "Tremendous." Charlie has been traveling the world for more than a half-century, but neither advancing years nor failing health have slowed him down a bit.

Past National Speakers Association president Naomi Rhode has called him: "a giant of a man, of incredible charisma, who has hugged and hollered his way through all our lives." Another past NSA president, Don Thoren, says: "Charlie Jones has been the most important mentor in my life."

I first heard Charlie speak more than 30 years ago, mainly to get a look at a man who would have the chutzpah to use the name "Tremendous." Well, weve become good friends over the past three decades and Ive heard him speak countless times. He truly is "Tremendous," but its a name he never gave himself, one that has caused him much embarrassment and is, as he explains it, simply the result of a limited vocabulary.

When told of someones promotion, his reply would be: "Tremendous." At the news of an upcoming engagement, wedding, or birth of a new baby, Charlie would exclaim: "Tremendous." He said it so often that it stuck but, if anything, its an understatement, and doesnt even begin to describe his wisdom, or his wit.

So, this month, instead of choosing a single theme for our quotations, I decided to share some of that wisdom and wit with our readers:

Success is the product of character. The development of your character is in your own hands, and poverty plus honest ambition is the best environment for character-building.

Make your decision, make it yours, and live and die by it.

A friend is: a push when youve stopped; a word when youre lonely; a guide when youre searching; a smile when youre sad; a song when youre glad.

If you ever give something to get something, you're not giving, in the true sense of the word. You're trading!

We never stop growing until we stop learning, and people who are learning this simple truth will grow old but never get old.

A good listener is a silent flatterer.

We all work for the government but the politician is wise. He gets paid for it.

It's awfully hard to believe that only about 200 years ago we went to war to avoid taxation.

The reason some of us find it difficult to think is that we havent had any previous experience.

If our aim is to praise, we should forget to criticize; if our aim is to criticize, we should remember to praise.

Lord, were not just thankful for what You give us. We are thankful most of all for the privilege of learning to be thankful.

Dont read to be big, read to be down to earth. Dont read to be smart, read to be wise. Dont read to memorize, read to realize. Dont read to just learn, read to sometimes unlearn. Dont read a lot, read just enough to keep yourself curious and hungry, to learn more, to keep getting younger as you grow older.

It isnt necessary to fly over the South Pole, climb the Matterhorn, nor swim the English Channel, to find adventure. Life itself is an adventure.

(Note: These quotations are taken from our collection of nearly 400 published volumes of quotations and 1.5 million entries. If youre looking for some quotes on virtually any subject, send us an email at bob@kellygram.com, or call us at 480-895-7617. Or, if you have a quote topic youd like us to feature in an upcoming issue, email it to us and well get it on the schedule.)

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VIVA LA REPARTEE

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In an earlier issue (March 2005), we reviewed a book compiled by psychologist, marriage counselor and consultant Mardy Grothe, Ph.D. Titled oxymoronica (yes, its lower-case), the book is a delightful collection of 1,400 quotations which, in his words, "appear illogical or self-contradictory on the surface [but] at a deeper level, usually make a great deal of sense and are often profoundly true."

Released by HarperCollins Publishers in 2004, oxymoronica was Dr. Grothes second book. His first, published in 1999, was titled Never Let a Fool Kiss You or a Kiss Fool You. Now, Mardy is at it again, with the publication of his third book, Viva la Repartee, subtitled: Clever Comebacks and Witty Retorts from Historys Great Wits & Wordsmiths.

Pronounced "re-par-tay," with the accent on the last syllable, the word is defined as: "a quick and witty reply; a succession or interchange of clever retorts." Covering a span of 2,000 years or so, the book contains more 600 examples of repartee, and the often fascinating stories behind them. In his words, "Its for people who enjoy great wit and wordplay, especially when the cleverness is displayed under pressure or when the chips are down." For more information, visit www.vivalarepartee.com.

After we first discovered Mardys work, we began subscribing to his delightful and informative weekly ezine called: Dr. Mardys Quotes of the Week: A Weekly Celebration of Chiastic, Oxymoronic, & Paradoxical Quotations. For a free subscription, send a blank email message to: chiasmus-on@mail-list.com. You may also want to look in on his other websites: www.drmardygrothe.com; www.chiasmus.com; and www.oxymoronica.com.

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PC "HOLIDAY" GREETINGS

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Please accept, with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

May you also experience a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country, or is indeed the only "America" in the Western Hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or choice of computer platform of the wishee.

(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)

[Editors Note: Were indebted for this greeting to our good friend George Weinwurm.]

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PLANNING A BOOK? IT HAD BETTER BE GOOD!

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Are you planning on writing a book? Why not? Lots and lots of others are doing so. But the numbers are awfully intimidating. According to R.R. Bowker, LLC, there were 195,000 books published in 2004, an all-time high, and an increase of 72 percent since 1995. And, a book by a typical author averages a mere 11,800 copies sold.

To be successful in a very crowded marketplace, and to beat that average, there are two essentials. First, it has to be very well-written and highly readable, and, second, you must be prepared to spend a considerable amount of time, energy and money to market it. It doesnt matter if you self-publish or use a traditional publisher, sales of your book will depend on Y-O-U.

I dont do book marketing, but can direct you to some folks wholl work with you. However, I can certainly help you, as I have many other authors, put together a book youll be proud to put your name on. Whether you need it ghostwritten, edited, proofread, or some combination thereof, Ill be happy to consult with you about it.

Ive been doing it for more than 25 years for dozens of satisfied clients. I guarantee my work, and never charge a fee for an initial review or consultation. Call me at (480) 895-7617, or email me at bob@kellygram.com, and let me show you how you can look good on paper.

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SMILE AWHILE

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Eating Tips for the Holidays:

Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.
Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. You cant find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? Its a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. Its later than you think.
If something comes with gravy, use it. Thats the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
As for mashed potatoes, always ask if theyre made with skim milk or whole milk. If its skim, pass. Why bother? Its like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other peoples food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Years. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which youll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and dont budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.
Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you dont like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, its loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

(Editors Note: Our thanks to our good friends, Leo and Carol Chiolero, for passing along this gem from their son Dave.)

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ODDS AND ENDS

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Back Issues:

All previous issues of The KellyGram, dating back to January 2003, are available on our website: http://www.wordcrafters.info/back_issues.html.

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Comments/Questions:

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A FINAL WORD

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One of our favorite definitions of Christmas was written by Christian educator and author Dr. R. Eugene Sterner: "Christmas is when God came down the stairs of Heaven with a Baby in His arms." We wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Joyous and Prosperous New Year.

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