The KellyGram

Wisdom and Wit About the Wonderful and Often Wacky World of Words

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Will this politically correct madness never end? Last month, it was the loony lords of the NCAA who ruled out the use of Indian names for collegiate sports teams, choosing to ignore the fact that some schools had received the approval of local Indian tribes to use such names, considering it to be an honor.

Then, a week or so ago, I read an item in which the author speculated about the appropriateness of animal nicknames and asked, with tongue firmly planted in cheek, "Where Is PETA?" Well, it didnt take long to get an answer.

Right on cue, PETA, whose officials have never been known to display a sense of humor, is reportedly going whole hog (you should pardon the expression) after the University of South Carolina, because its teams are called the "Gamecocks," PETAs position being that cock fighting is inhumane and thus an unacceptable name for a sports team.

Well, now its time for me to jump on the bandwagon. I happen to be mainly of Irish descent (way, way back), which brings to mind the question: How many generations of a family must be born in the U.S. before one can be considered a Native American?

But I digress. Back to the subject of appropriate nicknames, it distresses me deeply that the University of Notre Dame teams are known, and have been for decades, as "The Fighting Irish."

One glance at a photo of any Notre Dame team, or reading a list of the players names, makes it apparent that not all the team members can claim Irish ancestry. Should we not provide relief to those players of other races and nationalities who are unjustly, not to mention inaccurately, labeled as "Irish"?

On second thought, theres an old saying among those of us with the blood of Ireland flowing through our veins: "There are only two kinds of people in the world: those who are Irish and those who wish they were Irish." So, perhaps were doing these non-Irish players a favor by bestowing on them such a noble term.

However, once again I digress. My main point (Ah, hes gotten to it at last) is that I find the adjective "Fighting" warlike, demeaning and inaccurate when used to describe the Irish. Im unaware of any other institutions that use such pejorative appellations to describe their teams, no "Fighting Italians" or "Belligerent Bulgarians," for example.

Its well-known that we Irish are, in fact, a romantic, peace-loving lot, given more to writing poetry than to waging war. Therefore, I submit that the name "The Fighting Irish" has to go. I find it inaccurate and personally offensive, as well as politically incorrect and unacceptable, and demand that the Notre Dame authorities take immediate steps to abolish it. Otherwise, I may have to take a shillelagh and knock some sense into them.

Whats that? If the Irish are, in fact, so peace-loving, why have they been fighting among themselves for centuries? Well, Im glad you asked. There are two reasons, the first being that theyre a vigorous lot and their battles are simply a form of recreation. However, the second and most important reason they fight among themselves is because theyve never been able to find any other worthy opponents.

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REPORTERS: A VANISHING BREED!

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Back in 1996, Bernard Goldberg, a 28-year veteran of CBS News, wrote an op-ed piece accusing the mainstream media of strong liberal bias, thus incurring the wrath of folks like Dan Rather and other "newsmen." After leaving CBS, Goldberg wrote two best-selling books: Bias: A CBS Insider Exposes How the Media Distorts the News and Arrogance: Saving America from the Media Elite.

Predictably, many in the mainstream media vehemently denied such charges, and its not my purpose to line up on either side of the issue. However, I was surprised to read this comment CNNs Wolf Blitzer made during a recent interview with former President Bill Clinton: "Im a newsman. Thats what I try to do, is make news."

Once upon a time, those who covered the news were called "reporters," and accurately so, because that was exactly what they did. Somehow, over the years, theyve gone from reporting to analyzing to spinning and slanting the news. Now, according to Blitzer, their job is to make news! Arrogance indeed! No wonder such new and non-traditional media as blogs have become so popular.

Blitzer and others like him would be wise to heed Goldbergs warning: "If the media elites maintain their arrogance and don't change, they'll cease to be serious players in the national conversation"

How nice it would be to get back to the good old days when the media reported the news and allowed us to form our own opinions.

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PLANNING A BOOK?

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Are you planning on writing a book? Why not? Lots and lots of others are doing so. But the numbers are awfully intimidating. According to R.R. Bowker, LLC, there were 195,000 books published in 2004, an all-time high, and an increase of 72 percent since 1995.

If you expect your book to be successful in a very crowded marketplace, there are two essentials. First, it has to be very well-written and highly readable, and, second, you must be prepared to spend a considerable amount of time, energy and money to market it. It doesnt matter if you self-publish or use a traditional publisher, sales of your book will depend on Y-O-U.

I dont do book marketing, but can direct you to some folks wholl work with you. However, I can certainly help you, as I have many other authors, put together a book youll be proud to put your name on. Whether you need it ghostwritten, edited, proofread, or some combination thereof, Ill be happy to consult with you about it.

Ive been doing it for more than 25 years for dozens of satisfied clients. I guarantee my work, and never charge a fee for an initial review or consultation. Call me at (480) 895-7617, or email me at bob@kellygram.com, and let me show you how you can look good on paper.

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SMILE AWHILE

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A few months ago, the 2005 Darwin Awards were bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Of the 10 winners, this was certainly among my favorites:

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, he went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasnt discovered for three days.
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BACK ISSUES

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Previous issues of The KellyGram are available on our website: www.wordcrafters.info.

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A FINAL WORD

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