The KellyGram

Wisdom and Wit About the Wonderful and Often Wacky World of Words

Published by Bob Kelly

Resident Wordsmith and Quotemeister

WordCrafters, Inc.

www.wordcrafters.info

Providing the Right Word for Speakers, Writers, Ministry Leaders and Business Executives – since 1979!

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Volume 3 – Number 6 June 2005

In This Issue:

The Quote Corner (Fathers)
The Worlds Oldest Profession
The Worlds Oldest Profession Part Two

Writing Problems? Let Us Help!
Smile Awhile
Back Issues
A Final Word

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THE QUOTE CORNER (Fathers)

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On June 19th this year, we celebrate Fathers Day, an American tradition begun 95 years ago. On that Sunday, dads everywhere receive ties, or handkerchiefs, or golf balls, or other gifts from their children.

Although its been around a long time, Fathers Day never seems to have gained the importance we place on Mothers Day. One small boy, in fact, probably said it best: "Fathers Day is just like Mothers Day, only you dont spend as much."

Somehow it seems appropriate that a woman, rather than a man, came up with the idea of setting aside one day a year to honor fathers. On Mothers Day in 1910, three years after another woman, Anna Jarvis, had suggested that one day a year be selected in which to pay homage to mothers, Mrs. John Bruce Dodd was sitting in church in Spokane, Washington, when her thoughts turned to her father.

Mrs. Dodd had been the only girl in a family of six children, all quite young when their mother died, leaving their father to raise them alone. From that time on, she recalled, "he became both father and mother to us," raising them in the Christian faith and in accordance with the Golden Rule.

She approached the ministerial association in Spokane to ask them to honor all fathers once a year. The idea grew slowly, and was finally recognized nationally in 1924, when President Calvin Coolidge first supported it. Another 42 years would pass, however, until Lyndon B. Johnson issued the first Presidential Proclamation, designating the third Sunday in June as Fathers Day.

Fathers have been described in many ways. Someone once defined a father as "one whose daughter marries a man who is vastly her inferior mentally, but then gives birth to unbelievably brilliant grandchildren." That pretty well sums it up. The concept that no man is good enough for his daughter seems to be a basic ingredient of fatherhood.

Jim Bishop once described the feeling a father has when his daughter becomes engaged: "This is the third of four daughters. Every time it happens, I'm obsessed with the feeling that Im giving a million-dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla."

A lot of other things, both humorous and serious, have been written about this vocation we call "Fatherhood," a few samples of which follow.

A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be. (Frank A. Clark)

To be a successful father, theres one absolute rule: When you have a kid, dont look at it for the first two years. (Ernest Hemingway)

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. (Theodore M. Hesburgh)

My father didnt tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. (Clarence Budington Kelland)

A child is not likely to find a father in God unless he finds something of God in his father. (Austin L. Sorenson)

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. (Mark Twain)

Any father who thinks hes all-important should remind himself that this country honors fathers only one day a year, while pickles get a whole week. (Anonymous)

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong. (Anonymous)

He can climb the highest mountain or swim the biggest ocean. He can fly the fastest plane and fight the strongest tiger. My father can do anything! But most of the time he just carries out the garbage. (Anonymous 8-year-old)

The first man to tear a telephone book in half undoubtedly was the father of a teenager. (Anonymous)

(Note: These quotations are taken from our collection of nearly 400 published volumes of quotations and 1.5 million entries. If youre looking for some quotes on virtually any subject, send us an email at bob@kellygram.com, or call us at 480-895-7617. Or, if you have a quote topic youd like us to feature in an upcoming issue, email it to us and well get it on the schedule.)

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THE WORLDS OLDEST PROFESSION

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Last month, I was privileged to be a speaker at the annual conference of Women Writers of the Desert. As I usually do whenever I speak or lead a workshop on writing and editing or media relations, I begin by identifying myself as a member of the worlds oldest profession.

Thats typically good for a laugh, because we all know its something else entirely thats given that "distinction." However, consider the following: in the 5^th chapter of Genesis, the first book of the Bible, we read these opening words: "This is the written account of Adams line."

The first reference to that other "profession" doesnt appear until a couple of thousand years or so later, in the 34^th chapter of Genesis, and the first prostitute identified by name, Rahab, doesnt come on the scene until several hundreds of years after that, in the book of Joshua. By then, there have been numerous references to writing, a word that appears several hundred times throughout Scripture.

As a former newspaperman who majored in journalism in college, and as the son of a newspaperman, Ive generally been proud to be called a journalist. Now, however, having made my case about the worlds oldest profession, I must confess that the pride I once felt in it has gradually been eroding.

The most recent black mark has been the botched report by Newsweek magazine on what turned out to be an unsubstantiated allegation of desecration of the Koran. Apparently, the magazines editors had learned nothing from the fiasco that led to the departure of Dandy Dan from CBS (or as one publication has labeled it: See B.S.). Sadly, this one had far deadlier consequences.

Earlier, there was Jayson Blair at the New York Times, Mitch Albom at the Detroit Free Press, Jack Kelley at USA Today, and several other so-called journalists who had trouble distinguishing fact from fiction, thus disgracing themselves and their profession.

Ironically, the report of Alboms misdeeds elicited this comment from former Wall Street Journal reporter Foster Winans: "If Mitch Albom had been a 22-year-old snot-nosed kid on his first assignment, you might be able to forgive him. But a seasoned journalist doesnt get a pass for doing something so stupid and careless of the truth and his readers, however trivial it may seem.

"Twenty years after the revelation of my misdeeds was supposed to have shaken up journalism and provoked some serious soul-searching," he added, "its clear that moral relativism is the norm, and playing by the rules is considered a game for chumps."

In 1985, Winans himself had been fired, and was sent to jail, for using advance information hed obtained about certain securities to indulge in some illegal and unethical, albeit profitable, stock market trading.

If this keeps up, I may have to stop bragging about being a member of the worlds oldest profession. Its beginning to sound a lot like the other one.

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THE WORLDS OLDEST PROFESSION PART TWO!

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As suggested above, perhaps my pride in my journalistic heritage needs some serious adjustment. Now, upon further study, it seems some of the recent misdeeds by various media types arent so unusual after all. For example, the late Henry Watterson, editor of the Louisville (Ky.) Courier-Journal, once wrote: "Journalism is without any code of ethics or system of self-restraint and self-respect. It has no sure standards of either work or dutyThe journalist has few, if any, mental perspectives to fix his horizon."

When was that assessment of "the worlds oldest profession" made? We dont have the exact date, but Watterson was editor of that paper during the early seventies the 1870s, that is! So much for my "honorable" profession.

Media types have never been particularly bashful either about raking political figures over the coals. Heres what one newspaper editor had to say as one of our U.S. Presidents left office: "The man who is the source of all the misfortunes of our country is this day reduced to a level with his fellow citizens and is no longer possessed of powers to multiply evils upon the United States. If ever there was a period for rejoicing, this is the moment."

On the same occasion, another newspaper had this to say: "If ever a nation has suffered from the improper influence of a man, the American nation has suffered from the influence of ___________. If ever a nation was deceived by a man, the American nation has been deceived by ____________."

At whom were these scathing statements leveled? Richard Nixon might seem like the obvious answer, or maybe Bill Clinton, but theyre the wrong ones. In spite of all the charges of media bias leveled at many of todays journalists (and rightly so, in this mans opinion), the practice was very much alive and flourishing all the way back in Colonial times, when the comments above were made about none other than the Father of Our Country himself, George Washington.

Adlai Stevenson once commented: "Journalists do not live by words alone, although sometimes they have to eat them." I must confess that, over the years, Ive had to eat my share, but its still a wonderful profession, warts and all!

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WRITING/EDITING NEEDS? WE CAN HELP!

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Is 2005 the year youre finally hoping to get your book published, but youd like a little help?

Could you use an assist with that article youre writing?

Would it help your business if you published a newsletter or ezine?

Would you like some great quotations to liven up your speech, article or book?

Are you looking for ways to put more zing into your marketing materials?

Do you need someone to proof and/or edit something youve written?

If you answered "yes" to any of those questions, we can help. After all, weve been doing it for more than 25 years for dozens of satisfied clients. We guarantee our work, and we never charge a fee for an initial review or consultation. Call us at (480) 895-7617, or email us at bob@kellygram.com, and let us show you how we can make you look good on paper.

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SMILE AWHILE

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In keeping with this months journalism theme, we present the following breaking news bulletins:

Two thousands pounds of human hair fell from the back of a truck early today, blocking the northbound lanes of I-17. Police are still combing the area.

A van carrying prisoners to Florence collided with a concrete mixer on Highway 79 last evening. Police are searching for a dozen hardened criminals.

Phoenix police report theyre having trouble flushing out the person who has been stuffing quantities of long underwear into public toilets, causing substantial damage to the citys sewer system. Perhaps the unidentified culprit could be persuaded to quit with a "Dear John" letter.

A Tempe man said he was only trying to restart his car when he pushed it, with his wife inside, off South Mountain and down a 100-foot embankment.

The Coast Guard has reported that two ships collided in heavy fog this morning off the Southern California coast. One ship was carrying red paint and the other purple paint. First reports indicate the crews of both vessels were marooned.

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BACK ISSUES

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Previous issues of The KellyGram are available on our website: www.wordcrafters.info.

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A FINAL WORD

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Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing.

(Meg Chittenden)

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