The KellyGram

Published by Bob Kelly

Resident Wordsmith and Quotemeister

WordCrafters, Inc.

www.wordcrafters.info

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In This Issue:

• The Quote Corner (Laughter)
• Oxymoronica
• Headlines in 2030
• Writing Problems? Let Us Help!
• Smile Awhile
• Back Issues
• A Final Word

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THE QUOTE CORNER (Laughter)

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April is National Humor Month, which strikes me as rather odd, seeing as how its also the month when the IRS picks our pockets for whatever amounts it hasnt relieved us of during the rest of the year. However, I guess it helps ease the pain a bit if we can conjure up a few laughs.

Laughter has long been recognized as an almost magical pain reliever, and a great contributor to our overall physical and mental health. The late Norman Cousins, famous author, editor and philosopher, was a lifelong proponent of the healing aspects of humor.

Although seriously ill, and unable to sleep due to intense pain, Cousins stopped taking the pain killers that allowed him some rest, and turned to laughter instead. Old Marx Brothers movies and "Candid Camera" videos became his medicine.

Did this unusual "prescription" work? Here are his words: "Ten minutes of genuine laughter would give me at least two hours of pain-free sleep."

He once wrote: "Hearty laughter is a good way to jog internally without having to go outdoorsIt moves your internal organs around. It enhances respiration. It is an igniter of great expectations."

Although the health benefits of laughter have been clearly documented, it seems we tend to become less and less inclined to indulge in it as we age. For example, one study revealed that children tend to laugh on an average of 150 times a day, while the average for adults is a mere 15 times daily. Perhaps increasing the number of times we laugh each day would help renew the childlike spirit in us.

Following are some quotes from men and women who, like Cousins, recognized the value of laughter.

So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter. (Gordon William Allport)

Strange, when you come to think of it, that of all the countless folk who have livedon this planet, no one is known in history or in legend as having died of laughter. (Max Beerbohm)

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. (Lord Byron)

For health and the constant enjoyment of life, give me a keen and ever present sense of humor; it is the next best thing to an abiding faith in providence. (G.B. Cheever)

Please feel free to laugh. Fred Allen said it was bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads your hips. (Lloyd Cory)

If its sanity you are after, there is no recipe like laughter. (Henry Elliot)

Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects. (Arnold H. Glasow)

God cannot be solemn, or he would not have blessed man with the incalculable gift of laughter. (Sydney J. Harris)

It better befits a man to laugh at life than to lament over it. Laughter is wholesome. God is not so dull as some people make out. Did He not make the kitten to chase its tail? (Heinrich Heine)

If you dont learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old. (Edgar Watson Howe)

Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face. (Victor Hugo)

Laughter is the jam on the toast of life. It adds flavor, keeps it from being too dry and makes it easier to swallow. (Diane Johnson)

Shared laughter creates a bond of friendship. When people laugh together, they cease to be young and old, master and pupils, worker and driver. They have become a single group of human beings, enjoying their existence. (W. Grant Lee)

It is of immense importance to learn to laugh at ourselves. (Katherine Mansfield)

Laughter brightens the eye, increases the perspiration, expands the chest, forces the poisoned air from the least-used cells, and tends to restore that exquisite poise or balance which we call health. (Orison Swett Marden)

A good laugh is a mighty good thing, and rather too scarce a good thing: the mores the pity. (Herman Melville)

Laughter is the best medicine for a long and happy life. He who laughs lasts! (Wilfred A. Peterson)

Laughter is Gods hand upon a troubled world. (Zazu Pitts)

The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter. (Mark Twain)

Humor is the sense of the Absurd, which is despair refusing to take itself seriously. (Arland Ussher)

I was irrevocably betrothed to laughter, the sound of which has always seemed to me the most civilized music in the world. (Peter Ustinov)

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your step as you walk the tightrope of life. (William Arthur Ward)

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SOUND ADVICE

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Henry Wheeler Shaw, the 19^th century American humorist better known as Josh Billings, once wrote: "Theres a great power in words, as long as you dont hitch too many of them together."

Thats still the best advice about writing Ive heard in all my years in this business. Whether its in words, sentences, or paragraphs, brevity is the best way to ensure readability. And, unless what youve written is readable, youve probably wasted your time.

Not long ago, we came across a poem by an anonymous writer who summed up that advice in three little words. Its advice wed do well to heed.

The Editors Request!

If you have a tale to tell,

Boil it down!

Write it out and write it well,

Being careful how you spell;

Send the kernel, keep the shell;

Boil it down!

When theres not a word to spare,

Boil it down!

Heave a sigh and say a prayer,

Stamp your foot and tear your hair,

Then begin again with care.

Boil it down!

Take out every useless letter,

Boil it down!

Fewer syllables the better;

Boil it down!

In plain English, just express it,

So well know, not merely guess it,

Then, again, ere you address it,

Boil it down!

Boil out all the useless trimmings,

Boil it down!

Skim it well, then skim the skimmings,

Boil it down!

When youre sure twould be a sin to

Cut another sentence into,

Send it on and well begin to

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HEADLINES IN 2030!

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As a public service, and to give our readers a glimpse of what awaits them 25 years from now, we herewith present the headlines that will likely dominate the news in 2030.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 104; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2032

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to odd-numbered Wednesdays only

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise called key to weight loss

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights

New federal law requires all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers to be registered by January 2031

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent

Voting machines confuse Florida Democrats
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WRITING/EDITING NEEDS? WE CAN HELP!

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• Is 2005 the year youre finally hoping to get your book published, but youd like a little help?

• Could you use an assist with that article youre writing?

• Would it help your business if you published a newsletter or ezine?

• Would you like some great quotations to liven up your speech, article or book?

• Are you looking for ways to put more zing into your marketing materials?

• Do you need someone to proof and/or edit something youve written?

If you answered "yes" to any of those questions, we can help. After all, weve been doing it for more than 25 years for dozens of satisfied clients. We guarantee our work, and we never charge a fee for an initial review or consultation. Call us at (480) 895-7617 and let us show you how we can make you look good on paper.

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SMILE AWHILE

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Having taken a glimpse at tomorrows headline, we now, in the interests of fair and balanced reporting, turn the clock back to an important event that took place on a long-ago April day (216 years ago, in fact) to give you a glimpse of what was making news:

Yesterday (April 16, 1789), George Washington was inaugurated as the first president of the United States. Responding to questions about his actions in the swirling "Treegate" scandal, Washington would only say: "It all depends on what the meaning of the word chop is."

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BACK ISSUES

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Previous issues of The KellyGram are available on our website: www.wordcrafters.info.

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A FINAL WORD

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We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself by the handle.

Winston Churchill

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