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Wisdom and Wit About Words
Published by Bob Kelly
Resident Wordsmith and Quotemeister
WordCrafters, Inc.
www.wordcrafters.info
Providing the Right Word for Speakers, Writers, Ministry Leaders and Business Executives – since 1979!
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Volume 3 – Number 2 February 2005
In This Issue:
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THE QUOTE CORNER (Thought)
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You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you. (James Lane Allen)
Many people have played themselves to death. Many people have eaten and drunk themselves to death. Nobody ever thought himself to death. (Gilbert Highet)
A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices. (William James)
The reason some of us find it difficult to think is that we havent had any previous experience. (Charlie "Tremendous" Jones)
Think wrongly, if you please, but in all cases think for yourself. (Doris Lessing)
Watch against all fretful and discontented thoughts, which do but chafe and wound the mind to no purpose. To harbor these is to do yourself more injury than it is in the power of your greatest enemy to do you. (George Mason)
To base thought only on speech is to try nailing whispers to the wall. Writing freezes thought and offers it up for inspection. (Jack Rosenthal)
Make for yourselves nests of pleasant thoughts. None of us yet know, for none of us have been taught in early youth, what fairy palaces we may build of beautiful thoughts proof against all adversity. (John Ruskin)
Thought is the strongest thing we have. Work done by true and profound thought that is real force. (Albert Schweitzer)
Thoughts are but dreams until their effects be tried. (William Shakespeare)
Few people think more than two or three times a year. I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week. (George Bernard Shaw)
Good thoughts are blessed guests, and should be heartily welcomed, well-fed and much sought after. Like rose leaves, they give out a sweet smell, if laid up in the jar of memory. (Charles H. Spurgeon)
Negative thoughts breed doubts and despair. Such thinking enslaves life and keeps it from reaching out for the best. (C. Neil Strait)
To have ideas is to gather flowers; to think is to weave them into garlands. (Anne Sophie Swetchine)
Life does not consist mainly or even largely of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through ones head. (Mark Twain)
Thoughts should be tested before they are transmitted. If our thoughts taste unkind, critical, or unfair, we should refuse to release them into the dangerous world of words. (William Arthur Ward)
(Note: These quotations are taken from our collection of nearly 400 published volumes of quotations and 1.5 million entries. If youre looking for some quotes on virtually any subject, send us an email or call us at 480-895-7617. Or, if you have a quote topic youd like us to feature in an upcoming issue, email it to us and well get it on the schedule.)
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MY KIND OF GUY!
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Meet Barry Levenson! A former assistant attorney general in Wisconsin, hes the founder and curator of the Mount Horeb Mustard Museum near Madison, and the self-proclaimed "King of Mustard." Hes the author of Habeas Codfish, and a speaker who delivers messages that, in his own words, "really cut the mustard."
At first glance, one might be tempted to dismiss him as just another publicity seeking (uh) "hot dog," but that would be a mistake. Among those barking up the wrong tree were the editors of Readers Digest. In the December 2005 issue, they chose to advise readers seeking a fun vacation to avoid several museums, including this one.
Now, Ive been a fan of Readers Digest for far more years than I care to disclose. In fact, I gave my very first speech based on an RD article. The subject was "corneal transplants," and it will come as no surprise that those who managed to stay awake were barely able to stifle yawns, nor did anyone rush to sign me up as the keynote speaker at an upcoming convention.
In my own defense, however, allow me to mention that I was 14 years old at the time, and the speech was a requirement for the dreaded high school course, Speech 101.
But back to the King of Mustard. The museum he runs features 4,100 varieties of mustards and related products, including chocolate fudge mustard, from all 50 states and 60 other countries. Its also home to Americas mustard college, the delightfully named POUPON U.
Although I can find no trace of a blood relationship to the late great humorist, Sam Levenson, Barrys response to RDs ill-advised putdown clearly shows that he has the same delightful sense of humor.
For the rest of the story, we turn to Joan Stewart, past president of the Wisconsin Chapter of National Speakers Association and publisher of an excellent weekly email newsletter called "The Publicity Hounds Tips of the Week." In a recent issue (12-8-04), she describes his reaction: ""We took em on! We sent a press release making fun of Readers Digest and that got us some terrific publicity, including a story on a Madison TV station and other media websites. We sent out an email newsletter to our base of 15,000 mustard lovers. Many of our friends are bombarding Readers Digest with scathing letters. Some have cancelled their subscriptions."
He added: "Weve heard from hundreds of people who cant believe what Readers Digest wrote about us. We could have ignored the piece but it has worked to our advantage, rousing the troops in support of the Mustard Museum."
Levenson had a final message for Readers Digest, and for those who chose to follow its recommendation: "Poupon Them!"
(Editors Note: To learn more about the Mustard Museum, or to purchase any of its products, visit its website at www.mustardmuseum.com. We also recommend subscribing to "The Publicity Hounds Tips of the Week." Its free, full of great material, and may be ordered at www.PublicityHound.com.)
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USIN THE OLD NOGGIN!
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In past issues, weve reported on how some folks have taken the old adage, "It Pays to Advertise," and applied it in some truly strange ways. For example, one couple announced plans to sell to the highest commercial bidder the rights to name their newborn son, with a minimum bid of $500,000. In another case, a professional boxer sold advertising space on his back during his bouts.
Now, along comes a young man who decided to use his head as an advertising medium. According to newspaper reports, he listed his forehead on eBay for rent as advertising space. A nut case? Not so fast. The CEO of a company named SnoreStop ("It Simply Works"), noting that the young man "clearly has a head for business," paid him $37,375 to display its logo on his forehead for one month! For the non-math majors in the audience, thats a tidy $1,200+ a day.
As evidence, the article I read included a photo of the young man, sporting a full head of hair, plus the logo, smack dab in the middle of his forehead. Im guessing it covers no more than about six square inches. For the month, thats better than six thousand bucks per square inch.
I wonder how much theyd pay a guy whose forehead extends all the way to the back of his neck.
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LINGUISTIC ABSURDITIES!
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I suppose Im something of a curmudgeon when it comes to this language of ours. I have trouble accepting what I consider artificial or contrived words. For example, I still dont like referring to one who is being mentored as a "mentee," even though its been around awhile, and found its way into some dictionaries. I like "protégé" a lot better.
Another problem I have with such words is that they tend to reproduce like rabbits resulting in offspring that are even uglier than their parents. Recently, I was asked to review a manuscript written by an executive coach, who kept referring to those he coaches as "coachees."
Thats frightening! Whats next? Will students become known as teachees? Or sick people doctees? If I have a pastor, does that make me a pastee?
Another absurd term I came across recently is "onboarding." It seems that, in some circles, employees arent simply hired any more. Nay, nay! Instead, theyre "onboarded." (Honestly, Im not making this up.) Theres even going to be a seminar about it somewhere. And its easy to guess whats coming next. I can just picture Donald Trump now, as he breaks the news to those apprentices who dont make the cut: "Youre offboarded!"
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WRITING/EDITING NEEDS? WE CAN HELP!
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If you answered "yes" to any of those questions, we can help. After all, weve been doing it for more than 25 years for dozens of satisfied clients. We guarantee our work, and we never charge a fee for an initial review or consultation. Call us at (480) 895-7617 and let us show you how we can make you look good on paper.
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SMILE AWHILE
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A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
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BACK ISSUES
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Previous issues of The KellyGram are available on our website: www.wordcrafters.info.
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A FINAL WORD
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Every man has a train of thought on which he travels when he is alone. The dignity and nobility of his life, as well as his happiness, depend upon the direction in which that train is going, the baggage it carries and the scenery through which it travels.
Joseph Fort Newton
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