The KellyGram

Published by Bob Kelly

Resident Wordsmith and Quotemeister

WordCrafters, Inc.

www.wordcrafters.info

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In This Issue:

• The Quote Corner (Love)
• Down with Literacy!
• Hows Your Deportment?
• Twas the Night Before (a PC) Christmas
• Smile Awhile
• Back Issues
• A Final Word

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THE QUOTE CORNER (Love)

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December has always been a special month for many of us. Its a time to celebrate, to reflect on the spiritual heritage that is ours, and to enjoy some time with loved ones. It may be a timeworn phrase, but all around us, "love is in the air," so weve chosen some definitions of love as our quote topic for the month.

No matter what form your December celebrations take, may they be filled with love, joy and peace. As American poet Elizabeth S. Lamb wrote so beautifully:

"May you have joy in the mad rush of preparation;

May you know peace in the tiny margins of time around the busy days;

May you have star-shine in clear night skies for looking at;

May you have silence now and then;

And above all beyond all else

May you have love to give and to receive."

Love is

spontaneous, it bursts up in extraordinary ways; it is never premeditated. (Oswald Chambers)

the divine vitality that everywhere produces and restores life. (Lydia Maria Child)

a fire. But whether its going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. (Joan Crawford)

the seed of all hope. It is the enticement to trust, to risk, to try, to go on. (Gloria Gaither)

perhaps the only glimpse we are permitted of eternity. (Helen Hayes)

never lost. If not reciprocated it will flow back and soften and purify the heart. (Washington Irving)

an image of God, and not a lifeless image, but the living essence of the divine nature which beams full of all goodness. (Martin Luther)

like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open, and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away. (Dorothy Parker)

the fountain from which all goodness flows. (Croft M. Pentz)

the soy sauce on the chop suey of life. (Wally Phillips)

the greatest refreshment in life. (Pablo Picasso)

a spendthrift, leaves its arithmetic at home, is always in the red. (Paul F. Scherer)

the only weapon we need. (H.R.L. Sheppard)

the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition. (Alexander Smith)

the emblem of eternity; it confounds all notion of time, effaces all memory of a beginning, all fear of an end. (Germaine de Staël)

the only reality and it is not a mere sentiment. It is the ultimate truth that lies at the heart of creation. (Rabindranath Tagore)

a fruit in season at all times, and within the reach of every hand. (Mother Teresa)

what youve been through with somebody. (James Thurber)

God! (Lew Wallace)

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DOWN WITH LITERACY!

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During my years as a newspaper editor and publisher, I often featured programs and activities that promoted good reading habits and encouraged others to become lifelong readers. After a two-part series extolling the virtues and benefits of our local public library, I received a letter from a leader of a community organization, thanking me for my efforts to "stamp out literacy."

Now, Im pretty sure that wasnt what she meant but, based on some recent examples that have come to my attention, I seem to be having some success. A week or so ago, Joel Weldon, a friend and fellow word lover, sent me an excerpt from the November issue of America West magazine. Its focus was on the grammatical gaffes regularly uttered by sports commentators. For example:

• "Karl Malone came on with Stu and I at halftime."
• "Things changes quickly."
• "He should have went to second base."
• "He has slown down over the years."

Unfortunately, sports guys arent the only offenders. My pet peeve is with the TV weather forecasters who insist on telling us, evening after evening, what the temperature will be "tomorrow morning at 11 a.m." And, no matter now much I yell at them on the screen, they continue to ignore me.

So, keep up the good work, everyone. Together, well get this literacy thing stamped out once and for all.

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HOWS YOUR DEPORTMENT?

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Say what? When was the last time you came across that word (if ever)? When I typed in "deportment" on Google, I was immediately asked if I meant "department." No, the word I wanted was indeed "deportment," and I hadnt seen or heard it in years.

For some time now, Ive been receiving a weekly ezine from a Pennsylvania physician, who began writing his "Lessons Learned on the Journey" while serving as a medical missionary in Hungary. In them, I often find something that triggers memories of events that have taken place in my own journey through this world of ours.

In a recent issue, he reminisces about the report cards he got from grade school when he was a boy, and describes one he has from his fathers own elementary school days. He writes: "In addition to the usual subject areas, deportment not a word we use often today was measured."

Basically, the word means behavior or conduct. My dictionary (Merriam-Webster) defines is as "the manner in which one conducts oneself," and traces its origin to 1601. Now, I dont go back quite that far, but "Deportment" was definitely a category on my grade school report cards, and was at least partly the reason why the days when I had to present them at home dont rank among my happiest memories of childhood.

Nevertheless, I think it was a good idea, and the fact that our children today arent rated on their conduct or behavior in the classroom may have something to do with the problems we so often hear about in our schools.

By the way, once the folks at Google realized what I wanted, they came up with lots of entries on "deportment." For example, and Im not kidding, theres a site offering advice on deportment for transvestites, and another describes a program in China called, "A Deportment Course for Ladies at the Top." It runs for 18 days and the cost is the equivalent of $3,100 (US).

My better judgment tells me to just leave those alone, so Ill close with this reminder: Santa Claus will soon be coming to town and, unless youre on your best deportment, you may find nothing more than a lump of coal in your stocking.

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TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE (A PC) CHRISTMAS

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Twas the night before Christmas, old Santas a wreck:

How to live in a world thats politically correct?

His helpers no longer would answer to "Elves."

"Vertically challenged," they were calling themselves.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety;

Released in the wild by the Humane Society.

And the EEOC had made it quite clear

That Santa had better not just use reindeer.

So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,

Were replaced with four pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

And as for the gifts, why hed neer had a notion

That finding the right ones could cause such commotion.

Not a thing made of leather, and nothing of fur,

Which meant no gifts for him, and nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute;

Nothing to aim, and nothing to shoot.

Nothing that moved, or made any noise;

Nothing for girls, or just for the boys.

No baseballs or footballs, someone could get hurt;

Besides, playing sports exposed kids to the dirt.

So Santa just stood there, unhappy, perplexed;

He just couldnt figure out what to do next.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might

Give to all without angering the left or the right.

Then he suddenly thought of just the right gift,
One that he knew would give all a big lift.

So here is that gift its price beyond worth:

"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

(Our thanks to Kerry Boston for this message.)

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WRITING/EDITING NEEDS? WE CAN HELP!

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• Could you use an assist with that article youre writing?

• Do you have a book project youve been struggling to finish or even start?

• Would you like some great quotations to liven up your speech, article or book?

• Are you looking for ways to put more zing into your marketing materials?

• Do you need someone to proof and/or edit something youve written?

If you answered "yes" to any of those questions, we can help. After all, weve been doing it for 25 years for dozens of satisfied clients. We guarantee our work, and we never charge a fee for an initial review or consultation. Call us at (480) 895-7617 and let us show you how we can make you look good on paper.

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SMILE AWHILE

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A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

The woman says, "Heaven help us! Has it come to this? Give me 12 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptist."
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A FINAL WORD

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LOVE is

the oil that makes everything run smoothly;

the seasoning that makes everything taste better;

the glue that holds everything together;

the medicine that heals every wound;

the food that satisfies every hunger;

the drink that quenches every thirst;

the gift thats perfect for every occasion;

the weapon that conquers every enemy;

the nutrient that makes everything grow

the light that brightens the darkest corner of the heart and soul.

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