The KellyGram

Published by Bob Kelly

Resident Wordsmith and Quotemeister

WordCrafters, Inc.

www.wordcrafters.info

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In This Issue:

• Saint Patricks Day
• Saint Patrick Quiz
• The Quote Corner (The Irish)
• Has Anybody Here Seen Kelly?
• English Lesson from a Reader
• Smile Awhile
• Quiz Answers
• Back Issues Available
• A Final Word

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SAINT PATRICKS DAY

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As you see, this issue has a strong Irish flavor, and heres why. March 17 has always been our favorite day of the year. Not only is it this writers birthday but, a decade ago, my son John had the good sense to marry a lass who was also born on Saint Patricks Day. Then, three years ago, I received a wonderful birthday gift when our daughter Valerie gave birth to Grandchild Number 12 on that date. Naturally, Im thrilled that little Charlotte Grace has replaced her grandfather in the March 17 spotlight. (One might say Im de-lighted.)

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SAINT PATRICK QUIZ

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As long as were on the subject, heres a brief True/False quiz to test your knowledge of Saint Patrick:

1. He was born in Ireland.
2. He was born on March 17.
3. He died on March 17.
4. He used the shamrock to illustrate the Trinity.
5. He drove the snakes out of Ireland.
6. He was canonized a saint by the Roman Catholic Church.
7. The Roman Catholic Cathedral in Dublin is named in his honor.

(The answers appear below.)

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THE QUOTE CORNER (The Irish)

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Solutions to problems in Ireland are never simpleAnyone who isnt confused doesnt really understand the situation.

Walter Bryan

For the great Gaels of Ireland

Are the men that God made mad,

For all their wars are merry,

And all their songs are sad.

Gilbert Keith Chesterton

Ireland is a country in which the probable never happens and the impossible always does.

J.P. Mahaffey

An Irishman can argue either side of a question, often at the same time.

Jim Murray

There is always a touch of sadness deep inside even the happiest of Irishmen.

Jonathan Swift

We Irish are too poetical to be poets; we are a nation of brilliant failures, but we are the greatest talkers since the Greeks.

Oscar Wilde

The reason God allowed whiskey to be invented is so the Irish wouldnt rule the world.

Anonymous

An Irish toast: May you be in heaven a half-hour before the devil knows you're dead.

Anonymous

The Irish have to be the most passionate people in the world. Nobody else would stand in line to kiss a rock.

Anonymous

The reason the Irish fight among themselves is because they cant find any other worthy opponents.

Anonymous

(Note: These quotations are taken from our collection of nearly 400 published volumes of quotations and 1.5 million entries. If youre looking for some quotes on virtually any subject, send us an email or call us at 480-895-7617. Or, if you have a quote topic youd like us to feature in an upcoming issue, e-mail it to us and well get it on the schedule.)

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HAS ANYBODY HERE SEEN KELLY?

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A friend called one day recently and asked if I had ever googled myself. It sounded awfully personal, until he went on to explain what he meant. What he was referring to was typing ones own name into Google or another search engine and seeing how many listings thered be.

While we were talking, I entered his name, "Dick Bruso," and found a mere 400 listings or so. I felt bad about embarrassing him by uncovering such relatively insignificant results, but I got over it.

Then I entered "Bob Kelly," and came up with 2.4 million entries. When I tried again the next day, the number of Bob Kelly entries had jumped to 3.5 million. I was puzzled until I came across an item in that days newspaper, reporting that Google had just added one billion pages to its Web index, increasing its search engine to a mind-boggling 4.28 billion pages.

Then I decided to find the first place I was mentioned, and there I was at Number 75. Not bad, I thought, being in the first one one-hundredth of one percent of the Bob Kelly listings.

I imagined those listed above me would be a prominent lot and decided to check it out. And there they were, a veritable Whos Who. Up first was a sound broker (whatever that is), followed by a one-man band, a florist, Robert "The Icon" Kelly, and a former major league pitcher, whose career won-lost record was 12-18 and his batting average .178. Not exactly Hall of Fame statistics.

Others listed above me included Bob "The Blacksmith" Kelly, Cowboy Bob Kelly (a former wrestler), Bob "Joy Boy" Kelly, and Bob "Git It" Kelly, a member of the Rockabilly Hall of Fame. "A Hall of Famer," I thought. "Now were getting somewhere."

I should have quit while I was [sort of] ahead. But I didnt, and thats when I found the Bob Kelly whod been convicted of child sexual abuse. Now Im thinking of changing my name and joining the much more exclusive Dick Bruso group.

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ENGLISH LESSON FROM A READER!

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Last month, one of our readers, Michelle Cubas, stumped us when she asked if we knew the grammatical term that described this type of sentence construction: "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country." Another example: "People dont care how much you know until they know how much you care."

Even after searching through a few of my reference books and calling an editor friend, I still drew blanks. Then Michelle, an enterprise coach who owns and operates Scottsdale-based Positive Potentials LLC, showed just how enterprising she is by coming up with the answer to her own question.

The word she sought is "chiasmus," defined as "an inversion in the order of words in two corresponding parallel phrases or clauses, or of words when repeated." She was also kind enough to tell me she found it at the following website: http://www.earnestspeakers.com/figuresofspeech.html.

Thanks, Michelle, for letting us know about this excellent resource, and for the lesson.

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SMILE AWHILE

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A Jewish friend of mine once shared the strategy he was planning on using when he dies, in order to escape the clutches of Satan. Heres his plan:

Where the River Shannon flows,

Tis there I will repose,

In an Irish cemetery,

With a shamrock on my nose.

The devil will be searching

For me, I do suppose;

But hell never think of looking

Where the River Shannon flows.

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ANSWERS TO SAINT PATRICK QUIZ

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1. False. No one knows where he was born, but many countries have claimed him, including Great Britain, France and Italy.
2. False. He was born sometime in the fourth century, but the day and year are unknown.
3. False. He died sometime in the fifth century, but the place, day and year are unknown. Then whats the significance of March 17^th? Glad you asked! Nobody knows that either. One theory is that two Irish factions, one claiming he was born on March 8^th and the other on March 9^th, were about to fight over it. Instead, they reportedly added the two together, and settled on the 17^th. Makes sense to me!
4. False. The Irish traditionally used the shamrock because its shape is similar to a cross.
5. False. There have never been snakes in Ireland.
6. False. Catholic authorities readily acknowledge that Patrick is called "Saint" by popular custom only.
7. False. St Patricks Cathedral in Dublin is a Protestant cathedral.