The KellyGram

Published by Bob Kelly

Resident Wordsmith and Quotemeister

WordCrafters, Inc.

www.wordcrafters.info

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In This Issue:

• Back Issues Available
• The Quote Corner (Authors)
• Newsletter Tips (Part 2)
• Horse Sense
• Our Newest Book
• Smile Awhile
• A Final Word

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In todays fast-food, sound-bite, instant everything society, readers prefer to handle more and shorter items that are easy to digest, rather than face a few long articles. And forget half of what you were taught in English Composition 101. Long words, sentences and paragraphs drive readability down.

Run-on sentences and paragraphs of more than five or six lines will likely trigger the deadly M-E-G-O Syndrome in your reader. The M-E-G-O Syndrome? It stands for "Mine Eyes Glaze Over," and when it happens, your newsletter will be on its way to the round file or trash bin.Maintain variety

Unfortunately, many newsletters restrict themselves to subject matter about the companies that produce them. Logical but boring! Aim for variety and include a column of bite-sized fillers quotations, interesting events, comments from trade journals, etc.Use quotations

Well-chosen quotations can enliven articles, illustrate points, change the pace, get attention, trigger emotion, and add humor. Quotations are also an excellent means of reinforcing a message. In selecting quotes that support your position, especially when made by recognized experts in the field, you're doing whats called "marshaling your authorities."

Tickle the reader's funny bone

Anecdotes and quotations can be used effectively to get readers laughing. Someone once said: "Business is much too important to be taken seriously." A humorous column implies that the sponsoring company doesnt take itself too seriously, and it definitely adds to the newsletters appeal.

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HORSE SENSE

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The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from one generation to the next, says that when you discover youre riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. However, in modern business, because of the heavy investment factors to be taken into consideration, other strategies often have to be tried with dead horses, including the following:

• Buying a stronger whip.
• Changing riders.
• Threatening the horse with termination.
• Appointing a committee to study the horse.
• Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
• Lowering the standards so dead horses can be included.
• Reclassifying the dead horse as "living-impaired."
• Changing the form to read: "This horse is not dead."
• Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
• Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.
• Donating the dead horse to a recognized charity, thereby deducting its full original cost.
• Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.
• Doing a time management study to see if lighter riders would improve productivity.
• Declaring a dead horse has lower overhead and therefore performs better.
• Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

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OUR NEW BOOK NOW AVAILABLE

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Were pleased to announce the publication of our newest book, which has just been released by Kregel Publishing. Worth Repeating: More than 5,000 Classic and Contemporary Quotes includes many familiar quotes, along with a variety of unique items weve been collecting over the course of 20-plus years. The selections range from funny to profound, from inspirational to entertaining, and from educational to spiritually motivating and uplifting.

Designed as a helpful resource for speakers, writers, teachers and preachers, the book is arranged alphabetically by topic, and by author within each of the more than 700 topics. Both author and subject indexes are also included.

Worth Repeating will be in bookstores shortly, or may be ordered directly from our website at www.wordcrafters.info. Upon request, we will be happy to autograph or personalize books ordered via our site, at no additional charge.

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SMILE AWHILE

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Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop-N-Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 75. Dozens of celebrities turned out for his funeral, including Mrs. Butterworth, The California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker and the Hostess Twinkies.

The gravesite was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima gave the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man "who never realized how much he was kneaded." Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He wasnt considered a very smart cookie, wasting too much time on half-baked schemes. However, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.

Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

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A FINAL WORD

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Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be foundand stopped!

- Sam Levenson

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© 2003 by Bob Kelly. All rights reserved.