The KellyGram

Providing the Right Word for Speakers, Writers, Ministry Leaders and Business Executives – since 1979!

It may be that those who do most, dream most.

- Stephen Leacock

Do you believe in dreams? Dont oversleep if you want your dreams to come true! Dont let dreams become nightmares.

- Henrietta C. Mears

Dreaming is just another name for thinking, planning, devisingA steadfast soul, holding steadily to a dream ideal, plus a sturdy will determined to succeed in any venture, can make any dream come true.

- B.N. Mills

They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.

- Edgar Allen Poe

Your hopes, dreams and aspirations are legitimate. They are trying to take you airborne, above the storms, above the cloudsif you will only let them.

- Diane Roger

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them.

- Henry David Thoreau

Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us waiting to be born.

- Dale Turner

When we dare to dream, many marvels can be accomplished. The trouble is, most people never start dreaming their impossible dream.

-Glenn Van Ekeren

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IN A FOG?

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According to recent news reports, most car seats for children are installed wrong. Much of the finger pointing has been aimed at the seat makers, for alleged failure to provide clear installation instructions.

Having often struggled with instructions for assembling various products for kids, were not about to jump to the defense of the seat makers. However, at least one report we read included information everyone who writes anything on any subject should know and follow!

This report cited studies showing that 25 percent of American adults can read at no higher than the fifth-grade level. Another 25 percent top out at the eighth-grade level. Add in those who cant read at all, and the sad fact is that fewer than half of American adults can even comprehend material aimed at high school freshmen.

How readable is your writing? Have you every checked? There are several tools to readily calculate it. Some, such as the Gunning-Mueller Fog Index, express it in numbers equal to the education level needed to comprehend it. However, according to The Wall Street Journal, "People prefer to read well below their education level, and at a fog index of 13college freshmaneven a Ph.Ds eyes may start to glaze a bit. At 17 virtually the whole audience has fled."

Microsoft Word, in its "Spelling and Grammar" feature, includes some readability yardsticks. One, the "Flesch Reading Ease" score, expresses readability as a percentage (the higher the figure, the better). Another, the "Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level," is similar to the Fog Index. One problem: the highest number it calculates is 12, meaning it could be even higher. Perhaps its designers assumed no one writes at a higher level than 12.

Business magazines average between 10 and 11, with general consumer magazines even lower. So, keep those numbers in mind when you write. Dont try to show people how extensive a vocabulary you have; you want them to read what youve written.

Weve analyzed writing samples for many clients, and have seen fog indexes as high as 21! (The index for this article is 8.9.) If youd like to send us a brief sample of your writing (up to about 200 words), well be happy to check its readability for you, at no cost.

And, if we can help by ghostwriting, editing and/or proofing that "must" manuscript of yours, please contact us. Theres never a charge or obligation for the initial consultation.

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LETTER TO THE EDITOR

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A century ago, a certain letter to the editor was inadvertently published for a second straight day by the Paris (France) Herald. It was an error that was to make dubious history, and would certainly seem to qualify for inclusion in the Guinness Book of World Records. The rather innocuous letter, from an anonymous woman, simply asked how to change centigrade readings to fahrenheit.

James Gordon Bennett, Jr., the papers famous and eccentric publisher, was reportedly so enraged by the error that he ordered the editor to run it every day. It wasnt until Bennett died, more than 18 years later, that the letter finally disappeared, having run 6,718 straight days. According to one report, "Irritated readers, sick of the letter, wrote to the newspaper and begged that the repetitious old woman be killed. Some readers even cancelled their subscriptions."

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FINAL EXAM

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It was 2 p.m. Time for the final exam in senior year physics. The professor handed out blue books, then placed a large rock on his desk. He told the class: "You have only one problem to solve. But its not an easy one."

Then he wrote on the chalkboard: "Explain why the rock you see does not exist in time and space."

As the students groaned, he said: "You have three hours. Good luck."

The scratching of heads and scribbling in blue books began. The professor knew it was a tough problem and that most students would use the entire three hours to solve it.

Suddenly, one student walked up and handed his exam to the professor. "Im finished, sir," he said, smiling. "Its only three minutes past two," the professor cautioned. "Are you sure you wouldnt like more time?"

"No, thank you. Ive completed the test," the student said and walked out.

Although this was one of his better students, the professor had trouble believing he could have done his best so quickly. Reluctantly, he opened the blue book and read his students answer.

It contained only two words: "What rock?"

The professor uncapped his pen and marked the only grade he felt the student deserved: A+.

(Source: Speer Young & Hollander, Los Angeles, CA)

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OUT WITH THE OLD!

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The late Jack Smith, a featured columnist in the Los Angeles Times for many years, was one of our favorite wordsmiths, who faithfully did battle with those who seemed bent on twisting our language into all sorts of weird and absurd shapes.

"Maybe at last we are throwing off old Miss Thistlebottoms notion that the preposition is a bad thing to end a sentence with. Does it matter? Of course it matters. If we could purge the world of this foolish teaching, we might eliminate the tortured sentences that our speakers and writers contrive in ritual avoidance of the terminal prepositionWe have no less authoritative a source in E.B. White, [who wrote] The next grammar book I bring out I want to tell how to end a sentence with five prepositions. A father of a little boy goes upstairs after supper to read to his son, but he brings the wrong book. The boy says, "What did you bring that book that I dont want to be read to out of up for?""

(Jack Smith - Los Angeles Times, 3-28-84)

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SMILE AWHILE

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A hospital patient rings for the elevator. When the door opens, she sees an orderly with a huge shiny machine on wheels, with lots of dials and wires. She says: "Id sure hate to have to be hooked up to that machine." He replies: "So would I, lady. This is a rug shampooer."

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A FINAL WORD

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Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.

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